A Cold Winter Evening
by TripleS-18
Summary: KyleXCartman. Cartman goes to Kyle's home to seek warmth from the cold. Eventually this ensues Cartman to bother Kyle more often. But why? R&R Rated T for strong language, some violence and mild sexual content.
1. Target Found

**Author's Note: **It's been a while since I've actually posted something on that I _haven't_ actually deleted. For shame that I suck at doing more than measely one shots. I hope I finish this one, and if I do, then this story will probably be short.

A short chapter to start you guys off. This is my first SP fanfic. And Remember: Critique is good, but flamming makes you look like an idiot.

Until any recent changes are made, I'm rating this T. Won't be M unless I make the content a little more... intense. _-cough- _

Anyway, enjoy! We need more CartmanXKyle around here, and I'm hoping I succeed and fullfilling your needs. XD

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Cartman, Kyle, or any other South Park character. All South Park characters, names, etc. are copyrighted Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and Comedy Central. All right reserved. Now get off my back.

* * *

**A Cold Winter Evening** (For lack of a better title)

**By some bitch**

He huffed as he waddled his way towards his home. Snow blinded him from seeing his way towards his destination, making him grit his teeth in agitation. It was amazing that the weather was reacting in such a way. Especially since it was usually quite so indifferent.

His frozen chubby fingers, still stiff in the form of a fist, he forced to bang harshly on the door, hoping his mother would answer the door. He banged his fist on the door harder. Harder. He still couldn't feel a single thing. His whole entire fist was numb from the decrease in temperature.

"Oh what a pleasant surprise…"

He directed his attention towards the window, where he saw his mother, Liane, being shoved to the ground by a strange man (Though he recognized as the cable man that was over last afternoon…) who was giving her the attention a crack whore like his sad excuse of a parent needed. He seethed trying to hold back his anger, but failed. "Goddammit, mah!" he yelled angrily from his mother's negligence. His anger heated him up, almost enough to defrost his fingers. Almost. That is, until a cool winter breeze crept up his spine, causing him to shiver and by impulse wrap his arms around himself.

He decided to vent his anger on the door, and weakly kick it, as if making a difference. As his teeth chattered uncontrollably from the cold, he decided he'd find somewhere else to venture to, for the time being. Whether he liked it or not.

His legs dragged him down a familiar path. His mind wasn't quite sure why, but it was devising a good excuse at the meantime. He knew this path by heart… after all, he's snuck into his room hundreds of times. Yet even through the snowstorm, he could still tell where he was going. He didn't leave this fact up to questioning though, considering how important it was to know everything you can about your enemy.

Chubby legs reach the doorstep, as he yanks his not-as frozen fist from his pocket, to force the finger to reach the doorbell and press. After a couple of rings to annoy the person inside, he quickly shoved his hand back in his pocket, since another cool breeze had frozen him up. Suddenly the door had opened, and the bright light of indoors had shone brightly upon him, instantly blinding him. Though a smirk appeared on his face as he recognized the voice of the Jewish redhead who answered the door.

"Cartman…?" the voice inquired.

Cartman's smile still remained on his face, as his eyes adjusted to the light and the figure of his mortal enemy came into view. "Hello, Kahl."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Haha... sorry I had to end there, kiddies. XD Suspense is always amusing, am I right?

I swear, I'll try my best to update as much as I can... even though I am the world's biggest procrastinator. Well, reviews might help! shot


	2. I'm Fucking Freezing My Balls Off!

**Author's Note: **Well here's chapter 2. Once again, another short chapter, but it does get the story a bit further along.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Kyle's face formed a frown. "What do you want, fatass?"

Cartman's face, however, posed a faux look of innocence. "Why Kyle… what ever do you mean?"

Kyle folded his arms over his bright orange jacket. "What do I mean? You're standing on my doorstep because you obviously want something, dumbass!"

Cartman's temper could only last so long. "Fucking Jew! I'm fucking freezing out my balls off out here! Why don't you show some compassion!?"

"Compassion!? What the hell makes you think _I'd _help _you_!?" Just before Kyle slammed the door on him, Cartman shoved himself in between the doorway to blockade any attempts at closing it.

"Please Kahl! My mom's being a stupid whore again… and…"

Kyle frowned, with a look of lacking in interest.

"… Look, I just need a place to stay, Kosher-boy. Whether or not you're gonna comply, that's your own issue--"

"Why exactly did you think _I _would be of any help? More importantly, why should I care if you freeze your ass off out there?" Kyle raised a brow.

"I can't get into my own home, don't you care!?"

"Didn't you hear me? I don't care, and neither does anybody else! So go freeze to death, _please_!" Kyle then made another attempt at shutting the door on him, but failed due to Cartman's severe body weight, and Cartman shoving the door wide open and shoving the Jew.

"What the hell, Cartman!? What do you want!?"

"I said it already! It's not like I _want_ to stay here… I just _have_ to since my mom's being a bitch!"

"What about Stan and Kenny!? Or Butters!?"

"Butters is busy and an annoying dweeb anyway, Kenny's poor as fuck, and Stan is an asshole too."

"So why am _I _the unlucky contestant!?"

"Everything alright in here, Kyle?" Kyle's father, Gerald Broflovski, chirped in. Kyle, however, was too agitated at Cartman to reply.

"Dude, seriously, just let me stay! I won't bug you at all I swear!" Cartman begged once more, once again ignoring Kyle's questioning. It was really getting on his nerves.

"Oh c'mon, Kyle, let him stay!" insisted his father.

"What!?" Kyle just couldn't believe this. He glared at Cartman, who gave off his sweet smile to Mr. Broflovski. Kyle could easily read through that fake smile how much he loathed having to act so kind to a Jewish being… but Kyle sighed. "… What do I get out of this?"

Cartman scoffed. "Nothing. Like I'd give you anything…"

"Then get lost!"

"Alright, alright…" Cartman sighed, realizing he was going to have to unfortunately compromise in order to get his way. "… Well… whaddya want? A new little Jew-hat or something…?"

"How about this…" Kyle began, as he edged closer to Cartman, his finger pointing right at his chest threateningly. "… You shut the fuck up. For a whole week."

"A whole week!?" Cartman was in complete devastation. "No way, that's bullcrap!"

"Then no deal, and you get the hell out of my house." Kyle smirked, realizing he had just spun Cartman into a dead end. Cartman looked at Kyle's smirk in horror as he had realized the current situation for him as well. Anger burned up inside of him, as he wanted so badly to get his way, no exceptions, but…

He sighed bitterly. He held out his now unfrozen arm in a reluctant truce. "Fine." he grumbled, looking away.

Kyle stared at his hand unsure at first, then hesitantly reached for his hand to shake it…

Zzzzzt!

Kyle jumped back from shock as Cartman laughed, showing the buzzer attached to his palm. "Haha, stupid Jew!" Then he sped up the stairs towards Kyle's room, where Kyle just stood there in shock, confused and instantly regretting his decision.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So how'dja like Chappie 2? Yeah, I know the plot set up is kinda rough and doesn't quite make sense, but just go with it. XD I'm starting to consider making this M... anyone agree with that thought? 8D

R&R plz.


	3. Pleasant Dreams

**Author's Note: **Chapter 3? ALREADY!? Well, I _was_ pretty bored after all. And besides, there wasn't much to look forward to for Chapter 2 anyhow. So I hope Chapter 3 fulfills your needs... especially your slash-y goodness yearning needs. 83 Heheh.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

"What do you mean I have to sleep in my clothes!?"

Kyle sighed. Letting Cartman sleep over wasn't obviously going to be a walk in the park. "Well nothing even fits you, anyway. I mean, you're as big as a boulder!"

"'ey!" Cartman gave a nasty glare, before coming up with a quick retort. "Watch what you say, or I'll kick your ass, Jew!"

Kyle rolled his eyes, unconvinced. "Whatever you say, Cartman…"

"I totally would!" Cartman continued, in hopes of scaring the boy who now was taking off his green ushanka to reveal his big, curly red hair. Cartman suddenly had an impulse to laugh _loudly_, which made Kyle give a glare and pick up his pajamas, heading towards the bathroom and slamming the door. A long silence prolonged after that moment, as Cartman pulled off his own hat, revealing his ratty, brown hair. The overweight boy pulled off his gloves, looking around and finding something to busy himself with in the time of waiting.

Something inside him made him urged to go towards the bathroom for a peep, but this thought made him grit his teeth, then he shook his head to erase any means of responding. He got himself back together by looking towards Kyle's desk, in which a computer was placed. Curious to see what was on the monitor, Cartman moved the mouse to stop the screensaver. To his misfortune, nothing interesting was there, really. Just boring stuff like homework, research websites… geek stuff.

"Hey, get off my computer fatass!"

Cartman jumped upon hearing the Jewish boy's voice, in which he quickly yanked his hand away from the mouse and moved himself nervously away from the computer system. "… I-I wasn't anywhere near the computer…"

"Yes you were…" Kyle sighed, giving up. "Forget it. Let's just get this night over with, alright?"

Cartman couldn't think of any good comeback at that time, which left him feeling defeated. He decided to follow the boy's orders, since it was all he _could _do. Getting the night over with was one thing he agreed with on Kyle.

Cartman had to sleep on the floor. With basically a blanket and pillow. This didn't make Cartman at all the least bit happy, but when given the choice to sleep in the same bed with the Hebrew, he'd rather sleep on the floor. _Or more like, rather sleep in an alligator's asshole. _Cartman thought, with a mental chuckle.

Kyle hopped up onto his nice, comfy bed as Cartman crawled his obese self under the covers of a thin blanket. Not much help with keeping him warm, of course. He might as well have been better off freezing to death in the snow storm.

"Goodnight, asshole." Cartman chirped, turning himself away from Kyle's bed.

"Fuck you." muttered Kyle, as he turned himself towards the wall.

Cartman found his eyes beginning to shut as he drifted off into a (not necessarily quiet) deep slumber…

* * *

_It was just an average ordinary day. They all stood in their little row, each of the four boys in their correct positions. Kyle was whispering something to Stan, who laughed as a response. Cartman, who was standing on the other side of Kyle glared. He just somehow knew they were talking about him. They kept glancing up at Cartman then at each other and laughing. It made Cartman fire up, his fists clenching and his teeth grinding. Suddenly, Cartman acted upon impulse and charged towards Kyle. Kyle's face lit up with shock, as the neo-Nazi flung himself at the Jew, pushing him to the ground. _

_Cartman, on top of Kyle, quickly grabbed Kyle's throat before he could manage to speak or gain a breath. _

"_Kyle!" Cartman could hear Stan cry out, which made Cartman's sick, twisted smile grow. _

_Kyle struggled under Cartman's grip, his hands trying to pry off the chubby ones keeping him from gaining a single breath. Kyle's eyes looked up at Cartman, pleading. His begging eyes satisfied the sadistic boy. Suddenly everything around them disappeared, as Cartman released his grip on Kyle's throat, his smile turning into a mere devious smirk. _

_Kyle tried to regain his breath, coughing between heavy breaths. After the air returned to his lungs, Kyle's gaze met Cartman's, his glaring, Cartman's… had a different look. _

"_What the hell, Cartman!?" Kyle went off with all the anger in his body spitting through his words. He kept going on, his face red in anger, his fists clenched and trying to pull out from under Cartman, yet ready to smack him. But Cartman wasn't listening to a word. His smile was still plastered on his face, watching the boy go off on an angry ranting streak. His anger was worth the watch. Somehow seeing him get fired up like that was such a thrill, it left him _very_ excited. _

"… _Don't you ever--"_

_Suddenly Kyle's words were interrupted by Cartman's lips pressing against his…_

* * *

Cartman awoke gasping, looking around at his surroundings, remembering he was in Kyle's room and not his own. When realizing this, he tried his best to erase any memory of his dream.

But it still remained perfectly clear in his head.

Cartman looked up at the boy sleeping up above him, his auburn curls dangling over his cheeks. He looked so comfortable in his sleep… half of Cartman wanted to watch him in his peaceful slumber, while the other half wanted to completely ruin it and piss him off.

Yet he took no action, and just wiped the sweat off his face. He felt himself still excited down there, which made his cheeks burn. Oh how he dreaded these dream routines. Yet he loved them all the same. He struggled to pull his heavy self up and waddle to the bathroom, where he slammed the door. Despite this, the Jew did not stir.

* * *

**Author's Note: **... Aaaah yes. The dream segment. Wasn't that sure interesting? 8D I think this chapter could have been a lot more discriptive if I had let it be. XD But oh well. Kinda wish that dream would come true, eh?

Remember to R&R! And stay tuned, because this story's going to get lots of updates!


	4. Kicking His Fatass Out the Door

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews, everyone! And sorry about the long wait. XD;; And especially for nothing, since this chapter doesn't particularly move that far forward. But don't worry, we'll get somewhere.

Like I said, I hope this is a fanfiction I finish!

* * *

**Chapter 4**

The next morning, Kyle awoke with a vile scent fuming through his nose. Suddenly his eyes flipped open, and he found a snickering Cartman shoving a dirty sock in his face. Kyle angrily yanked the sock out of Cartman's fingers and threw it at the laughing chubby boy. "Cartman!"

Cartman fell to the ground laughing and pointing up towards Kyle. He was laughing so hard, that tears were streaming down his pudgy cheeks. He wiped an eye and proclaimed, "… Aw man… I really got you good…"

Kyle was not amused. He growled and pulled himself out of bed and just walked past Cartman without saying a word. And ignoring the fact that the overweight neo-Nazi was having a difficult time getting up off the floor.

Gerald sat there on the couch casually reading a newspaper, then looked up as he saw his son approaching from down the stairs. "Oh hello, Kyle. Did you sleep well?"

Kyle just grumbled his way over to the kitchen. To his misfortune, he did _not_ sleep well. Although Cartman's obnoxious snoring bothered him… so did something else. He concluded that he by now he probably has gone insane, which seemed reasonable considering the situations they'd often get muddled into were the least bit sane. At least he got to sleep around five, though.

Cartman somehow must have found a way to get off the floor, for he was making his way down the stairs, much to Kyle's dismay. He approached the young Hebrew boy, who was trying his best to ignore him and just eat the cereal he just prepared in peace. He sat down at the table, as Cartman grabbed his own box of cereal and bowl and followed right after him. He was still snickering to himself, which made Kyle glare with bitter hate.

"… By the way, Cartman… you haven't forgotten about our deal, have you?"

Cartman blinked. "… Excuse me?"

"You know, the deal we established?"

He blinked again.

Kyle sighed. "Look whatever. Whether you like it or not, you made a deal . You now have to stay silent for the next week. And today is Saturday… so technically that'd be starting tomorrow."

Cartman gave him a look, then scoffed. "Pssh, no way dude. Did you _really_ think I'd actually keep up to my deal, Kahl? You should know me well enough, just as I know all about your little Jew schemes."

"… What 'Jew schemes'?"

"Don't lie to me Kahl. I always know what you're up to… you sneaky Jew."

Kyle just gave Cartman a very strong glare. Realizing the mistake he had made considering that he should have in fact known better than to have let Cartman stay the night. So he did what anyone who didn't get their side of the bargain would do…

* * *

_SLAM!_

Kyle slammed the door on Cartman's face, leaving him outside in the less cool, but still decently cold winter air to fend for himself.

"Fine! Be that way, stupid kyke!" Cartman bellowed out, only to be ignored. (Well except by the neighbors of course, who peered their way through the windows to see where the yelling was coming about.) Cartman huffed and decided he might as well head back home. By now, his mother had to have been done with whatever deed she felt necessary to commit.

Although if asked he'd state how much he was glad to be away from the pesky Jew (Despite how he himself was the burden to the Broflovski family.), an unfamiliar part of him felt a pang of disappointment.

He growled in response to his own thoughts, and to the thought of Kyle kicking him out. _Goddammit, he pisses me off! Stupid freaking kyke! With that stupid hat of his… and his… Jew-ness…_

Before he could think up any better mental remarks, he had already reached the doorsteps to his own home, in which he banged his fists on the door angrily, ready to bitch to his own mother.

After a few moments of impatience, his mother finally opened the door. A look of shock spread upon her face. "Oh my! Poopy-kins! I've been wondering where you--"

"Cut the crap, mahm! You left me freezing my balls off in the freaking snow!"

"I'm sorry honey… but didn't you know the door was unlocked the whole time?"

Cartman's mouth dropped with shock and then his face turned red and exploited an expression of anger. He curled his fists and simply yelled, "Goddammit!" Then he shoved past her and plopped himself right on the couch, looking away from his mother and grabbing the remote.

She stood by watching him, not inquiring as to where he was the whole entire night. Instead, willing to just make him happy in the current present. "… How about I make you some hot cocoa with whipped cream and chocolate sauce?"

Cartman angry expression didn't last for very long. "… Maybe if you could add a cherry on top?"

"Sure, dear!" And so she rushed into the kitchen to make him his desired and undeserving treat.

Cartman meanwhile tried to focus his attention on the television, playing one a rerun of one of his all-time favorites from back when he was just an eight-year-old; _Terrence and Phillip. _

He watched the two Canadians laugh and fart like madmen, like he had been for all these years. Even though it may have grown tiring, the show had lasted for a long run at least. But he wasn't currently concentrating on the show being broadcasted in front of him. His mind was pondering about the recent events, particularly the whole ordeal with Kyle.

And the memory of the guilty dream that kept haunting him.


	5. Ya Think Hitler Was a Fag?

**Author's Note: **How is it that the only way I can update a story, is that I have to lose a night of sleep? I swear to God, it's the only way I can become inspired. Insomnia must be a gift for me to treasure.

Anyway, update. I think I might have to change the story's rating to M. But the problem is with M rated fics, is that nobody usually finds them... especially with my luck. Because everyone knows when they see M they expect a porno. When it's not, they say, "Fuck it" and look for something more lemon-y fresh to read. (Wow that was terrible.)

Anyway enjoy some more CartmanXKyle goodness. I was hoping that this chapter was longer. Unfortunately, no, it's not. Dammit. I'll have to try harder next time.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"What the hell do you want now, fatass?"

Once again Kyle had opened his door to the obese boy standing on his doorstep. And once again, Kyle was losing his patience.

"Well, excuse me, Kyle. I just happened to want to spend some time with a _friend_ is all." The look on his face looked too painfully innocent.

"We're not friends. Now stop bothering me."

"Okay Kyle, we get it. You're on you're period."

"That's not funny."

Cartman chuckled. "Yes it is."

Kyle sighed. "… You didn't answer my question. What the hell do you want?"

Cartman took a second to trace his thoughts. He himself had forgotten what led him back to the doorstep of the boy he so earnestly despised.

"Geez, PMS much?" He tried not to smirk at the expression Kyle made at that statement.

"Dammit Cartman! Get off my doorstep!"

Cartman tried to hold his laughter. But failed. "Aw man, you should see the look on your face! It's just like your mom's reactions to anything cool!"

"Don't talk about my mom!"

"Oh, you mean that fatass bitch of a mother?"

"GODDAMMIT CARTMAN! DON'T CALL MY MOM A BITCH!"

Ah the ring of a old classic argument, that still remains to this day. Music to Cartman's ears. However Kyle shortly shut the door on Cartman, leaving his satisfaction to end on a quick note.

"HEY!" Cartman started banging on the door. "GET OUT HERE YOU FUCKING JEW!" After a few minutes of the same routine and no response, he gave up. Then it hit him.

"… Why the fuck should I even care what the hell that faggot is up doing anyway? Hell why did I even come here?" he grumbled to himself, as he walked away from Kyle's home. He turned and took another look at it for a couple seconds, before preceding back.

He might as well go talk to his poor-ass friend, Kenny McCormick, whom happened to _apparently_ be Cartman's 'bff'. Still he was bored as all hell, and there was no one else to talk to, and he decided it was better than listening to Kyle whine all day.

* * *

Kenny opened the door to Cartman standing out on his doorstep. Kenny, beer in hand, blinked. "Cartman?" Cartman however just shoved himself past the poor (literally) drunk/druggie and welcomed himself into the home.

"Ick, your house is even more disgusting than it was the last time I was here." He welcomed himself at home and plopped himself on the worn out couch. Kenny stood over him, and took a swig of his beer. Then he preceded.

"Dude, what the hell? Just walking into my house? What if I had some girls over here, man?"

"… Then maybe I could steal one."

Kenny snorted. "You just said that through your teeth."

"Hey what the hell do you know?!" retaliated Cartman defensively. "You're a freaking drunk!"

He held up one hand. "I only had one beer. And no need to get so defensive about it sheesh. Besides, a sober person could tell you the same thing." He then set down his beer on the cracked coffee table, and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and proceeded to light one. He took an inhale then blew out a puff and stood there for a second staring into space as if thinking about something. Then he turned to Cartman, whom still looked pretty pissed about the comment he had made before. "So what's up, fatass?"

"Kyle's being a douche. As usual." Cartman replied, as if this was the typical thing to say.

Inhale. Blow. "So what happened this time?"

"He just bitched at me because all I wanted to do was talk to him."

Kenny started to cough, almost choking on the puff of smoke he had just inhaled. "W-what!? Since when the hell do you just 'talk' to Kyle!?" He grabbed his beer quickly to calm the cough.

"Hell if I know!"

He slammed down his beer. "What the hell's that supposed to mean!?"

"Well I--"

"Hey wait. Where the hell is my ash tray…?"

Cartman was surprised at how relieved he was that Kenny interrupted him. But then again, why the hell should he have to explain himself? It takes too much effort.

Kenny kept craning his neck from side to side trying to see if he could spot his ash tray. "I can't see over your fat ass!" he proclaimed.

"Kenny, I swear I'm--"

"Oh yeah, I left it in the kitchen!" he rushed to the kitchen for the ash tray he so desperately needed, leaving Cartman infuriated and neglected in the crappy excuse for a living room.

"'Ey! Don't just leave!" He started to grumble under his breath. "… Goddamn poor piece of crap…"

Kenny shortly returned with his beloved ash tray and set it down on the coffee table. "Okay fat boy, now tell me what's _really_ going on here."

Cartman looked taken aback. "Excuse me?"

Kenny raised his brow giving Cartman a look like 'you know what I mean'. "You heard me."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Admit it, man. You want to fuck Kyle. And trust me, I can tell. You eye him up like a hungry-ass vulture!"

"What the fuck man!?" Cartman was completely appalled. "I'm not a fucking queer! Especially for that stupid Jew!"

He chuckled. "Who are you trying to prove? Me or yourself?"

"You, since you think I'm a fag!"

"Well… you are." stated Kenny, as nonchalantly as ever. "You're a sadistic Nazi-fag."

"That's a contradiction, Kenny. A _contradiction. _It doesn't make any sense. Nazis don't like fags."

"It doesn't have to. Tell me, how much of a fag do you really think Hitler was?" Kenny smiled and gave a laugh as Cartman stood up and stomped his foot.

"I don't fucking believe this!" He marched out of the room, as Kenny watched him go, laughing. He turned to Kenny. "Fuck you, Kenny!" and then slammed the door behind him.

Kenny scoffed and took a drag from his cigarette. "Idiot."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Wow I sure like using the word "ass". Here's a treat. How about everyone count up how many times I've used 'ass' in this whole entire fanfic? That should be fun. Whoever takes count might get a lame reward.


	6. Jealousy

**Author's Note: **Congrats to everyone who attempted to pluck out the expletive 'ass' from the collection of derogatory terms that were needed to write this fanfic. Your lame prize was basically getting mentioned. Told you it was lame.

**ChapeauVert** - Yes your attempt does count. And have I mentioned how much I love your story? If you haven't read it, go read it. It's called "Unexpected". GO. GO. GO.

**ayafangirl **- I'll go with what you got for the chapter.

**LuvKyleandStan - **... I just noticed how everyone's answers are completely different. XD Still, praise that you counted.

Thanks you guys for participating. Even though you didn't get much of a reward...

Kenny: I got a reward for 'em... ;D _-thrusts-_ HERE I COME. I AM SPEED RACERRRRRRR... _-shot-_

(Whoever recognizes that quote is my hero.)

... Anyway. Moar Cartyle story is now. Hope you enjoy this crappy chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Waiting for the high school bus to arrive had to be the most obnoxious thing to do. Especially for someone as impatient as Eric. He could hear Stan and Kyle talking, muttering, laughing, and whispering like they were gossiping twelve year old girls. He held back the desired urge to say something. He knew they were talking about him nonetheless. They always were. But who the hell cares about what those guys think?

He gave a short-lived glance at Kenny, who's eyes were looking a bit… red. Giving the indication that he's going to school stoned. But Cartman could really give less of a shit. Instead, he was trying his best to eavesdrop on Kyle and Stan's conversation.

Kyle whispered into Stan's ear, who laughed. He could hear the words 'fat ass' seep through Kyle's lips. That aggravated him, but he wasn't ready to burst Kyle's bubble. Not just yet. Though he was subconsciously giving a menacing glare. But not to Kyle. Oh no, it was directed towards Stan.

Cartman never really gave a crap about Stan. He was just… there. Never really did anything. He was too normal. Too boring. He never saw how Kyle and him were such good friends. To Cartman, Stan was nothing more than a meaningless pussy. Hardly much fun in making fun of him.

But there was something about the relationship that he shared with Kyle, especially recognizable on this day. It always was an annoyance to him, to see how close they were as friends. Which always led to Cartman calling them "Fags". But there was a strange pang that always hit him when he saw them together. A possible… fear of some sort? Fear of what he teased them of being to be… true…?

_Doesn't matter if they are fags. Kahls' still a Jew, and Stan's still a pussy. So… what the hell? _His mind would always interject into his thoughts that seemed so ridiculous. It never did much help.

A laugh of Kyle's interrupted his mental arguments. He decided now was a good time.

"'Ey!"

They looked up at him and suddenly burst out laughing. Not helping Cartman's current state of mind. But before Cartman could say anything else, the bus had arrived. Perfect timing.

"Hey… how come the bus is so… far away?" the muffled voice of Kenny inquired. His question was of course ignored. And so was his difficulty of getting onto the bus. Eventually he found his way on the bus, and sat in a seat, but then had a horrified look on his face when Cartman sat next to him. "Holy shit!!" he exclaimed, clawing at the window and hoping that the monster that was Cartman's obese figure wouldn't eat him.

Speaking of whom, Cartman had the decency to continue the useless 'conversation' between him and the cackling hyenas, Kyle and Stan. "Don't think I don't hear you guys talking about me all the time! Stan-- you go shove your bullcrap up that vagina of yours! Kyle--" he lifted his middle finger at his direction. "Suck my balls and fuck you." And with that, he turned away from them, feeling satisfied with his work.

"Cartman, you're so freaking stupid!" Stan responded back.

"Yeah, you probably don't even know what we were talking about!" Kyle chirped in.

"Yes I do! You guys were talking crap about me again, of course!"

"Well, duh…"

"Yeah, but what did we say _exactly_?" Leave it to Kyle to give Cartman the hard question.

Cartman just simply responded with a snort. "Pssh, fuck you guys. I shouldn't have to answer any of your lame-ass questions."

The two pals preceded to laugh, to Cartman's disliking.

"God Cartman, you're such a dumbass. We don't even have to _make up_ stuff about you, since you say stupid crap all the time!" Stan commented.

Cartman growled, but before he could come up with another retort, an annoying voice suddenly filled his ears.

"Hey Eric!" Butters happily greeted Cartman from the seat in front of him. Just when he thought things couldn't get worse.

"Leave me alone, Butters." Cartman spat, not in the mood for his shenanigans.

Butters looked disappointed, but not entirely taken aback. "Gee Eric, I'm sorry. You just looked mighty sore, and I thought--"

"Butters I'm not in the mood."

"Oh okay…" Butters turned himself back to facing forward in his bus seat, and began singing softly a song he had sung for so long. "Loo loo loo I got some apples, loo loo loo you got some too…"

Cartman then turned his direction back towards Kyle and Stan's seat right across from them, and there was something about the way they were talking to each other… the way they were getting along… gave a sharp sting to his chest, which then was followed by a sinking feeling. He hated this feeling, but all he kept his mind concentrated on is how at this moment he so badly wanted to kick Stan's ass.

The bus rolled to a stop, and the kids all pushed and shoved their way off the bus. Cartman looked up at the South Park High School sign and groaned. It was going to be another painstakingly boring day.

* * *

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The only time Cartman enjoyed history class was when they'd discuss any topics of interest. Of course, that would be within the era of World War II. But instead, the lesson dragged on about the Indians being raped of their noble homes. Not as interesting as Hitler and the Jews, apparently.

He continued to tap his pencil, hoping no one was noticing what he was staring at. With luck, people would have assumed he was staring into space in general. But it just so happened that Kyle was not many seats in front of him. At least close enough for him to get a decent view of the back of the Hebrew boy's head.

He was just sitting there writing notes and paying a decent enough attention to the teacher. There was something about seeing Kyle like this, that gave him that want to get his attention. This was a need that he managed to give in to, for he soon was crumpling up a piece of paper and tossing it at Kyle's head.

Kyle suddenly jumped, and turned with a glare looking directly at Cartman. Automatically knowing well who would be the culprit. Cartman inwardly smirked and stuck his tongue out at Kyle. Kyle looked as if he wanted to grab Cartman's thick throat at that moment, but just rolled his eyes at his immaturity and turned back around towards the teacher. In the meanwhile, Cartman just began to roll up another piece of paper again and toss it towards his head once more.

Kyle turned around again, this time looking like he was about to lose his patience. "Will you knock it off?" He was keeping his voice low, to avoid the teacher yelling at him. However, that didn't seem to help his case at all.

"Mr. Broflovski? Is there something you would like to share to the class?" the slim, but elderly female teacher asked, raising her brow. She fixed her short-rimmed glasses as she examined Kyle critically.

"No, Ms. Brownsing…" Kyle answered hoping to avoid trouble.

The teacher then turned to Cartman. "What about you, Eric?"

And of course, this was his chance to shine. "Well Kahl was just telling me how much of a gay prostitute he is."

The class laughed as Kyle fumed with anger. The teacher looked horrified then turned her expression into one of bitter strictness. "Eric, that is not an appropriate thing to say in this classroom!"

"What? It's not my fault Kyle's a cheap Jewish whore."

"Knock it off, Cartman!"

"Both of you be quiet!" Ms. Brownsing had managed to silence the both of them. "Both of you are going to be serving detention for interrupting today's lesson. If it happens again, you will both be sent to the principal's office."

"Detention!?" Kyle cried. "But me and Stan were supposed to hang out this week!"

_Score. _Cartman was sure he was gaining some newfound luck.

"Nice going, Cartman!"

Eric Cartman was seeming to having trouble wiping the smile off his face.

* * *

**Author's Note: **You didn't think I wouldn't add Butters into this story, did you? Silly.

Will I ever have the audacity to finish this whole story? Who the hell knows? But I'm sure I'll at least scrape up a chapter 7.


	7. A Different Detention

**Author's Note: **I wrote most of this chapter at school. XD On my mother's birthday. Ain't that great? My math teacher kept telling me to put it away though. Sheesh. What was her deal? -shot-

As a warning, the beginning part's gonna be a bit morbid, but the rest of the chapter has a very cute-funny sort of atmosphere. So yes, my fanfiction is bi-polar. (That or I am.)

... As a hint, something happens in this chapter. Now you have something to be anticipated about. ;) Enjoy

* * *

**Chapter 7**

_An evil grin stretched upon the plump boy's face. He lowered the gun after a few seconds of silence. It was ever so repugnant to see the boy smiling at such a gruesome sight. Cartman's satisfaction made him ignore Kyle's horrified scream. The blood of his best friend, Stan, decorated his face and clothes. Red stained the once white snow._

_Kyle's hands were tugging at his hat as he screamed a bloodcurdling scream. He dropped to his knees, looking at his freshly deceased friend and his glistening bullet wound. He was on the brink of insanity. _

_Cartman's hands took grasp of Kyle's chin, forcing the traumatized boy to look up at him. "Don't worry, Kahl, you'll soon understand that you don't need Stan…"_

_Kyle's face contorted into an angry one, but unexpectedly, Cartman felt a hit coming at his head from behind…_

* * *

"Hey fatass, wake up!"

Cartman jumped in alarm, realizing where he was and remembering the current reality. He had fallen asleep on his desk in the detention room, where he and Kyle managed to be the only troublemakers of the day.

"Ow Kahl!" whined an agitated Cartman, rubbing the back of his head.

"You're lucky the teacher isn't here!" warned Kyle. "She should give you another detention for just snoring so loud!"

Cartman, about to strike a comeback, suddenly froze and blinked, taking in what Kyle just said. "Waitaminute. The teacher's not here?"

"Yeaahhh…" He made it seem like it was so obvious.

A risky idea started brewing in his head, as he glanced at the teacher's desk. Kyle was in fact right. Perfect. "And she locked the door, right?"

"… I guess…" Kyle was raising his brow in suspicion, though remained burdened by curiosity.

Suddenly Cartman rose from his seat and walked to the front of Kyle's desk, slamming his big hands on its surface and creating a vibration. "Well, well, well, Kahl…" He looked down with a devious smirk at Kyle's confused glare.

"Just what the hell do you plan on doing? Turning the room into a concentration camp in the last five minutes the teacher is gone?"

"Five minutes? That's good enough time…"

"For what?"

"For my experiment."

Kyle blinked. "Experiment?"

Cartman nodded. "Yes." He grabbed Kyle's shirt collar, forcing Kyle to stand up from his chair. His tight grip managed to be surprisingly threatening. "You get to be the dirty lab rat."

Kyle was unsure of what was coming next. He expected the worst, but refused to flinch. What he didn't expect was for Cartman to lean in and plant his lips against the Jewish boy's own. Kyle, confused as ever, tried to squirm his way out of the fat boy's grip, before Cartman just shoved him away, causing Kyle to painfully fall backwards directly back into his chair. Satisfied, Cartman returned back to this seat, as if nothing ever happened, leaning Kyle in shock. Although he quickly shook his and snapped out of it.

"What the HELL was THAT!?" Kyle yelled, standing up from his chair and facing Cartman.

"What was what?"

"That kiss!"

"Kahl, you really should sit down. The teacher's gonna come back soon."

Kyle screamed in aggravation, but gave up for the time being, knowing he was right. "This isn't over!"

"Yeah whatever." he nonchalantly concluded while putting his arms behind his head.

Kyle sighed and just sat back down and awaited the teacher in silence. _That was… weird._ His thoughts commented, as he stared intently at the clock. _What the hell is wrong with him today?_

* * *

"Ya know, curiosity killed the Jew."

Kyle wasn't willing to give up so easily. A walk home with Cartman is usually unbearable on its own, but with this little bonus tidbit, it worsens the situation. "Can I at least know why the hell you…"

"I told you. It was a last-minute experiment. There was something I wanted to know, and I got my answer."

"And what was the answer?"

"That's classified. But what you should know is that if you can never, _ever _tell Stan, Kenny, or even your big nosed kyke of a mom! Got it!?"

"Aw, hell no! I'm not keeping any secrets, until _you_ tell me what the _hell_ is going on!"

Cartman turned to Kyle, giving him a very serious look for a second, before speaking. "Why Kahl… I believe you need to see a doctor about that long-lasting period of yours. Should I buy you extra tampons?"

"Augh! You're impossible!" he yelled in defeat, as Cartman turned around and snickered. "Goddammit Cartman, this isn't funny!"

"It was the first time. I'm still laughing. So it must be."

Kyle sighed grumbling under his breath. Then he finally spoke up again. "This is another trick, isn't it?"

Cartman didn't answer.

"I knew it! That's why you kissed me! You probably got someone like Butters to stand out at the window and take a picture and then try and prove that I'm gay!"

"That's a good idea, actually…"

Kyle slapped his hand his forehead. "I give up. I don't wanna deal with this bullshit anyway." And so in silence they trudged through the snow, Kyle in a bad mood, while Cartman was very pleasantly happy.

Cartman had that feeling as if he let something off his chest that had been stuck there for the first time. His experiment proved something, and though part of him was disgusted at it, the other half was ironically… satisfied with himself.

_Well, guess I _am_ a fucking fag. _

* * *

**Author's Note: **I'm afraid that this chapter happened too fast. XD;; Ah well. Something had to happen SOMETIME. Plus the story's gonna need to progress, am I right?

... Review plz.


	8. Love, Hate, Lust It's All the Same

**Author's Note: **Major update. (Major _boobage_. -shot- Heheh.) Once again, I tried another attempt at making a somewhat lengthy chapter. (Or at least in my standards.) I think I failed again lol.

I don't know why but I had "The Perfect Drug" by Nine Inch Nails on repeat when writing this. Why? Dude. It's Nine Inch Nails. Why not?

On the note of music, the title of this chapter comes from the demo song "Choke" by Jack Off Jill. I love them very much so.

Please excuse any possibility of OOCness in this chapter. I'm tired today, and I just HAD to write a chapter like this. It just felt like I was obligated to. Unfortunately, this fanfic is going to be nearing an end soon. No, not the next chapter, we still have some chapters to go. But just as a notification, I don't expect this fanfic to really last that long. And if it does, then I apologize for misleading.

However, I have been contemplating trying to write a Cartyle and Cutters fanfic after this. Yes? No? Maybe so? (lol btw Cutters? What a horrible name for a couple. I mean why not call it something else like Butt... man... Nevermind. Cutters is good.)

QUICK WARNING:

**This chapter contains sexual stuff. Nothing explicit really, but just a good notification helps. **

... I don't think it's really M rated material but... eh. Let me know if you think otherwise. Onto the fanfic!

* * *

**Chapter 8**

"Well? Aren't ya gonna let me in?"

Kyle turned on his heel to face Cartman, who unfortunately managed to follow him home. "No way, asshole! Especially not after what you did to me today!"

"Jeez Kahl, will you stop whining about that already?"

"I can't help it! Excuse me for freaking out that the sociopath, sadistic, self-centered tub of lard decided to randomly plant a big one on the Jewish boy he's been planning to humiliate and KILL for years!!" Kyle panted heavily from his explosion, leaving a moment of silence between them, before Cartman decided to break the ice.

"… Tell me one thing, Jew. Was the reason you squirmed because I kissed you… or because you didn't _want_ to like it?"

Kyle stumbled backward a bit, obviously taken by surprise. "Ex-cuse me!?"

"You heard me. Sure, enjoy your denial now, but I'm sure it's not pleasant to hide in shame and disgust. But disgust of me or yourself? Either way, that made my pleasure at your expense."

"What the hell are you blabbering about?"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk… I thought you Jews were supposed to be smart. You don't get it, do you?"

"What the hell do I have to get!?" Kyle was about to grab Cartman's throat at this point.

Cartman just chuckled, thrilled to see how angry these word games were making him. "… I believe you have something to admit, Kahl."

Kyle noticed how close Cartman edged his face near his own. He could feel Cartman's breath hitting his face, warming his cheeks from the cold air. A breeze brushed against his face, making it difficult to distinguish whether his face was colored pink from the cold or the a possible blush. That or the fact that his face gave an expression of having his patience tested. His hand reached behind for the doorknob.

"… Just get off my doorstep, Cartman." he spoke in a voice that was strongly calm, yet was laced with anger."

"… You're pathetic, Kahl--"

"GO! NOW!!"

Cartman's smirk was quickly wiped off his face. "Alright, alright, I'm going, I'm going… but either way, I still win."

Kyle sighed in agitation. "Whatever." He then turned back towards his home's front door and opened it to enter, but then took a quick glance back at Cartman to see if he was really leaving. Surprisingly, he indeed was, without even looking back. Kyle just shook his head, and slammed the door behind him after he got inside.

* * *

An advantage Cartman would have had if he had publicly come out of the closet-- nobody giving him crap about it. Knowing how years ago he made a kid named Scott Tenorman eat his own parents, nobody would be willing to point and laugh at him while calling him 'queer'. However, Cartman wasn't going to be one to announce to the world how much he enjoyed male parts. At least not now. Though there were people who were obviously permitted to know, he refused to let Stan know anything about his sexual orientation. Somehow it gave him a feeling that it could manage to jeopardize his whole plot.

"So you finally admit you're a fag, huh?" said Kenny slyly, nodding his head as he sat with discomfort on the bus next to Cartman. Fortunately, this time Kenny was going to save the pot for later.

Cartman glanced around nervously, hoping no one overheard. "Goddammit Kenny, keep it down!"

"Oops." Kenny lowered his voice. "Sorry."

"I'm going to need to foolproof my plan to get Kahl. At this rate, the little Jewfag is going to keep denying or refusing anything I throw!"

"… And what is your plan?"

Cartman was about to open his mouth, then realized that he had nothing to say. "… I hate you Kenny."

* * *

In History class, the teacher had assigned students to be in groups for a project. To an unfortunate turn of events for Kyle, and by an obviously planned ahead situation for Cartman, they got partnered up. He had asked Butters to convince the teacher for him.

"_But… why me Eric?"_

"_Because you're the type of naïve fag that every teacher wants to hear from."_

"… _But I thought you said you were a fag."_

_"Shut up Butters."_

Apparently the plan worked out perfectly. Luckily for Butters, he managed to come out of the situation unscathed. The last time he tried to persuade a teacher for Cartman… well… let's just say that teacher is in the penitentiary for a reason.

Kyle gave Cartman the ever-so familiar look of vexation. "… I know you did this."

"I have no idea whatever you are talking about, Kahl." Cartman put his feet up on the desk and laid back with his arms behind his head before the teacher yelled at him.

"Eric! Sit properly! You weren't raised in a barn!"

"How do you know that?" questioned Eric in return, trying his best to be a smartass.

"Eric… don't start with me…" Ms. Brownsing warned, but then turned her attention to another group of students.

Cartman directed his attention back to Kyle and smirked like a true deviant.

"I hate you so much."

"I know you do. So your house at 7?"

* * *

Kyle was not enthusiastic about this group project. He really didn't want to work with Cartman, or even let him into his home. Who knows what he might try to pull next?

Then the doorbell rang. "Shit" he muttered under his breath.

"I heard that young man!" Shiela called to him from the kitchen.

"How does she do that…?" he thought aloud once more, as he got up from the couch to answer the door reluctantly. He knew he was going to regret this. He sighed before opening the door, to the smug bastard with his book bag slung over his large shoulder. He shoved past Kyle, letting himself in rudely.

"I see your house is still ever so Jewish as I was here last…"

"This might surprise you, but the world doesn't change frequently to impress you and your extremities of cholesterol."

Cartman frowned, bemused by Kyle's statement. "… You better watch your step, Kahl."

"Like you could watch your own." remarked Kyle, as he began heading up the stairs.

"'Ey! Unlike you, Kahl, I at least don't manage to bitch about every little thing."

"No. You manage to bitch about every little person." Kyle seemed to be on a role today, to Cartman's dismay. Cartman was more than willing to tear that confidence booster down. Kyle then opened the door to the room that Cartman had slept in not too long ago. Kyle sat himself at the computer seat almost immediately, and Cartman soon followed.

"… So what the hell's this report about again?" Cartman asked as he started leaning his arms on the top of the chair Kyle was sitting at. Amazing that the chair hadn't fallen backwards yet.

Kyle sighed. "Look, just let me do this, alright? I just want to get an A, and I'm not going to let you screw it up for me."

Cartman gave a snort. "Like I wanted to do this stupid project anyway." Kyle gave no reply back, as he was in deep concentration of the report he was writing. Cartman just stayed in the same position, watching him type what looked to be a boring paper. But it was more interesting to see how Kyle typed and was incredibly into what he was doing, really. It was complete concentration, in which Cartman wanted to disturb.

Considering that Kyle was deep within his writing and distracted, Cartman took the liberty to glance his eyes down to look at his body, sitting so perfectly in the chair. Just so fragile and tempting.

"I think maybe you should just read some cue cards or something. That way it'll look like you did some wo… C-Cartman!?"

Kyle felt himself shiver at the feel of Cartman trying to slowly slide his hands down Kyle's body. Cartman's cheek rubbed up against his, as Cartman's hands tried to reach to his lower stomach. "Yes?"

"What-What the hell!? Stop it!" he said through gritted his teeth when Cartman tried rubbing his hands against his inner thighs. Cartman smirked.

"Why Kahl, I thought you'd put up so much of a better fight than this. Still, it is flattering… your face is so fucking red right now."

It was undeniably true that Kyle's face flushed of embarrassment. But then again, it isn't everyday that he's getting felt up by a so-called 'enemy'. "… You sick bastard." he spat, before suddenly letting out a gasp when Cartman's hands reached the grand prize. He didn't want to sit through this, he wanted to get out of this situation. But he couldn't manage to find the ability to move. He shut his eyes and bit his lip, trying his best to resist, but it managed to be harder than he would have ever imagined. And how he hated himself so much at that moment for it.

Cartman's fingers fumbled for the zipper.

"I hate you so much, Cartman."

"Same to you, Jew."


	9. Konfusion for Kyle

**Author's Note: **Well, unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that chapter 10 will be the final chapter. Well, as far as I'm planning, anyway. But fear not, I'll make sure to write more KxC for this site!

... Wow, speaking of this site, the fanfictions have been slowing down, lately. D: Huh.

Anyway the beginning of this chapter also has a bit of **mild sexual descriptions**, but nonetheless... READ.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"Cartman… I swear…" Kyle managed to huff out, through his attempts at trying his best to keep his eyes and mouth shut. His fingers clawed at the arms of the chair, trying to fight against the desire to give in. A sound was trapped in his throat, that he tried to keep silent, to avoid giving Cartman his satisfaction. Despite this, Cartman smirked upon noticing Kyle's trouble at attempting to suppress a moan.

"You swear you'll what, Kahl? Orgasm in my hands?"

Kyle gritted his teeth and growled. The feeling of the larger boys fingers stroking, combined with the sound of Cartman whispering a "Mmm…" in his ear… made it hard to stop himself from surrendering. And how he hated this feeling that he had… especially at the hands of Cartman. He didn't want to let him win… he didn't want to… but how he could feel himself easily slipping into a forbidden ecstasy.

Knock. Knock. "Kyle? Is everything alright in there?"

Saved. The two of them froze, before Kyle gained the minutes of freedom (From both Cartman and himself.), and elbowed the overweight boy backwards onto the floor, and quickly zipped up his pants, and tried his best to hide what was making itself clearly obvious.

"'Ey, Kahl! What the-!? Get me off the-!" Cartman grumbled and whined, before Kyle kicked him to shut him up. And just at that moment, did his mother let herself in.

"How are you boys doing in here?"

"Fine! … Mom." Kyle responded, perhaps a little too quickly. Cartman as well noticed his reaction, with a raised brow. His mother just shrugged.

"Well if that's the case, I'll leave you boys alone." and with that she shut the door behind her.

Kyle let out a sigh of relief, as Cartman managed to pull himself up off from the ground. He then tried to turn back to the computer screen, without looking at Cartman, as if nothing happened.

Cartman stared at Kyle in confusion for a few minutes.

Kyle then quickly turned towards the large boy. "What the HELL was that!? Don't EVER do that AGAIN! Got it!?"

"… You didn't tell your mom."

"I'd rather not give her a heart attack over something as… _disgusting_ as--"

"You didn't tell your mom. You gave up the chance to tattle on me, and keep me out of this house for good. Why?"

Kyle scoffed. "Please, 'tattle'!? We're not in grade school!"

"You didn't answer my question."

"Will you just shut up already!? God!" Kyle exploded, before then turning back to the computer to continue typing up their report.

After a few moments of quiet, Cartman spoke again. "… Ya know, you can't pretend it didn't happen."

"I'm not."

"But you will."

"How the hell can I!? You tried to make me--"

"Doesn't matter. Knowing you, you're going to try to ignore it. Just like you're trying to ignore that obvious Jewboner right there." He pointed to Kyle's crotch, where Kyle quickly clasped his hands over it with a badly hidden blush on his face. Cartman grinned, while Kyle just sighed angrily.

"You're only doing this to piss me off!" Kyle exclaimed.

Cartman then gave out a louder than necessary, annoying laugh. "Maybe so, but I happen to be looking for other things besides."

"… Other things?"

"Yep."

"… Liiiike…?"

"You."

"What!?"

"You." Cartman repeated again. "I want you." Kyle blinked in confusion, and felt a little bit uneasy about it. He never was one to ever trust whatever he was up to. The casual way in which Cartman was stating his wants bothered Kyle.

"… You want me for what?"

"Well for a lot of things." Cartman wiped his knuckles against his shirt so casually, which agitated Kyle.

"CARTMAN, WHAT THE HELL!?" the young Hebrew suddenly screamed, jumping out of his seat, and looking Cartman directly in the eyes. He noticed Cartman continued to look prideful. "AND WIPE THAT GODDAMN SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE!"

"… Nah. I don't think so."

Kyle's fist suddenly made its way to Cartman's cheek bone. He didn't fly back onto the floor, but he did tumble backwards. His hand met his face, tracing where Kyle hit. "Kahl, what the hell!?"

"You're so full of crap, you know that!?"

"You stupid Jew, I don't want anything!"

"Yes you do! You always do!"

"Well then I already told you what I want!"

Kyle's face suddenly loosened, upon the realization of Cartman possibly… telling the truth?

"Ow, fuck Kahl…" muttered an annoyed Cartman, still whining about the mark on his face.

Kyle just stared for a few seconds, before shaking his head. "… Aw no, hell no… You can't… be… No!"

"Duh! Why the hell else do you think I'd go to such an extent, asshole! I want you for myself!" Suddenly the room filled with bitter silence after that statement. Nobody knew what to really say. After a while, Cartman just sighed.

"Fine, whatever. I'll just leave. I knew this whole thing was stupid anyway…" he spat under his breath, but loud enough for Kyle to hear. He walked out the door and slammed it behind him, leaving without a trace.

Kyle was left alone with that bit of silence and a strange feeling overcoming him. He turned back to his report. "… Fuck…" he muttered softly.

* * *

"So you told Kyle that you wanted to be his… boyfriend?"

"I prefer the term 'partner', but yes." Cartman bitterly replied to his sidekick, Butters, who sat on his bed as Cartman sat at his desk, thinking. "I don't think he took it too well."

Butters frowned with the utmost sympathy. "Aw, I'm sorry to hear that, Eric." he walked over to Cartman, and began to place a hand softly on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me." Cartman spat quickly, making Butters yank his hand away.

"Oh… sorry…"

"That freaking Jew is so STUPID!" he suddenly yelled, slamming his heavy fists against the desk.

Butters looked frightened at first, but then found the courage to speak up again. "… Don't worry, Eric, I'm sure Kyle will…"

"Butters, how about you just go home, already!?""

"… But I just got here!"

"Well, then maybe you should have picked a better time!"

Butters sighed in disappointment, but obeyed Cartman's orders. After time passed from when Butters left, Cartman suddenly gained an idea. Quickly he grabbed his jacket, and flew out the door.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Don't expect much. This is Cartman. _-shot-_ Wow I hope the ending doesn't end up sucking. D:


	10. The First Gift He's Ever Really Given

**Author's Note: **Little did you guys know that I actually had typed this chapter at least two days before I decided to submit it. At first I wanted to wait for more reviews, but now I decided that I might as well now. In case I take a break from the online world for a bit, so that I have the story finished already and can have an easier time moving on to another story when I'm ready to write. (I've been kinda depressed lately, so maybe when I feel better, I might submit another story!)

Anyway, yep, this is the end. I originally had the ending planned so much differently from this, but this is a relatively satisfying ending. At least for myself, I hope you think likewise and won't be disappointed. XD

I'm a bit proud of this chapter. Or at least the beginning of it. Just the fact that I got so descriptive was at least something to save the fanfic from being in comparison to merely a script!

But ah... enjoy the finale. :)

And P.S. ... I've been considering maybe writing another fanfic that was either a spin off or in reference to this one. But who knows?

* * *

**Chapter 10**

He stood in his kitchen, trying to be as silent as he could. He ignored the cold feeling his bare feet had to endure from touching the hard kitchen floor. He glanced at the clock placed on the wall. 12:16 AM. He hoped he wouldn't accidentally awaken his parents, notably his mother. Lest he lose his own head.

It was another freezing winter night, unfortunately even freezing indoors. One would think his dad would manage to afford better central heating, considering his lawyer status.

Kyle, standing in his nightwear, braced himself for the oncoming chill that would make its way in his direction when he'd open the fridge door. He quickly grabbed his provisions; a carton of milk and a can of whipped cream, and shut the door. He turned back to the counter and set his items next to the hot cocoa powder mix. Having trouble sleeping, he hoped the warm, soothing drink would both calm down his nerves and warm him a tad better than his bed comforter had been.

After combining the mix and milk into a mug, he placed it in the microwave and stood idly, waiting for a minute to pass. He questioned the reality of him wanting to sleep, but one can only shrug off any ideas of conflicting insomnia only so hours before school was to start.

He jumped when he heard the microwave beep, causing him to quickly yank the microwave door, fearing it ever beeping again. He slowly pulled out the hot contents, pricking his ears for any sign of disturbed grunts from his parental figures upstairs.

When he was sure they heard nothing, he grabbed the whipped cream can and finished off his masterpiece. He began to take a sip of his warm treat, when a sudden bang against the front door caught him off guard and made the mug slip out of his grip and shatter on the floor. When regaining his composure, he glanced down at the mess of liquid chocolate, white cream, and broken ceramic that dirtied the once spotless floor. "Fuck!" he muttered to himself in complaint. "Just great!"

He carefully tried to hop across the sea of chocolate, hoping to avoid stepping on a piece of broken mug. He made his way unhappily to answer the door. He found it peculiar why he heard no other loud knock, but he didn't take it into high consideration at the time.

When he swung open the door, the redhead expected to see Cartman standing before him. Instead, he was merely greeted by a rush of cold wind, swooping against his fiery curls. He denied the feeling he had was a pang of disappointment.

He sighed bitterly at the waste of time and good ceramic answering the door had caused him. Before any attempt at closing the door was made, something on his doorstep caught his eyes. There sat a poorly wrapped box, tied pointlessly with a thin, white string. A little tag hung onto a part of the string, looking to be unevenly cut paper in the shape of a rectangle.

Kyle hesitantly reached down and picked up the lazily pieced together package. He glanced around suspiciously, before bringing the package inside with him and shutting the door. His back leaned against the door. He looked up and down from the package in his hands to the mess that lay in the kitchen.

It still amazed him that his parents remained asleep. Considering all the loud sounds of door banging and mug smashing.

Deciding that cleaning up the mess was a higher priority, he set the package on the kitchen counter and grabbed a broom and dustpan to clear up the dangerous pieces of a former mug. After emptying the dust pant's contents into the garbage, he wiped the remains of the mess with the wet paper towels.

When the cleaning was done, Kyle threw his last paper towel in the garbage can, and sighed in exhaustion. He glanced at how much time had passed. It was 12:46. It felt so much longer than that.

His eyes darted towards the package that remained sitting on the counter, still pleading to be explored. He grabbed the package from the place is sat, his hand holding up the little tag. An attempt to interpret the messy handwriting scribbled on the flimsy piece of paper was made.

_To Kyle,_

_Just open it._

_- Cartman_

An anxious feeling bit at him. One wouldn't dare trust any package randomly left by Cartman. And he was in no mood to hear any more of Cartman's crap. Especially considering his recent behavior.

He stared at the box carefully. What could be in it? A bomb? A Nazi symbol placed on an item of his in mockery? A copy of a humiliating photo to suggest black mail? Perhaps it was a more meticulous device. Or maybe something that would keep in mind the peculiar torment that Cartman had been using on him lately.

Whatever was in that box, made Kyle uneasy. Still, he slowly pulled the strings apart and took caution when peeling off the crinkled wrapping paper. Each piece of wrapping fell lightly to the ground. He had reached the cardboard box that was hidden beneath the wrapping decoration. Unwarily, opened the flaps of the box apart to view if his suspicions were true.

His sigh of relief was short, when his gaze changed into one of confusion. He pulled out of the box his gift, large in size and interestingly soft. The familiarity of the object surprised him, though he remained questionable.

Cartman had given Kyle his jacket.

* * *

Cartman pulled a pillow over his head, as he tried to block out the sounds of his mother and the grocery store manager having another round in their little, sick all-nighter. The familiar sound of a doorbell caught him by surprise, but made him happy to have an excuse to escape the upstairs. He stomped down the stairs, muttering to himself, "I'm coming, I'm coming…". Once he had opened the door, he was struck with a bit of surprise to see Kyle of all people standing there, in his pajamas and holding up the jacket that was once his.

"Jew…?"

"Why the hell did you give me your jacket, Cartman!?"

"I dunno, 'cause I felt like it. I went down to the store and bought some wrapping paper and decided to give you something. And I thought you're supposed to be _thankful_ for gifts. But go ahead and be an ass about it if you want."

"But why your jacket?" Kyle continued to inquire. "And what are _you_ going to wear, then?"

Cartman just shrugged as an answer to both questions.

"So wait… you're willing to freeze your ass off? You hate being cold! And you aren't normally one who gives gifts, you know."

Cartman shrugged again. "I don't care. And so? I think the reasoning I gave before should clear up the fog that's infesting that Jewish brain of yours. You're stupid Kahl. You're stupid for not getting it, and you're stupid for standing in snow with barefeet. At least wear some fucking shoes, Christ." He then yanked Kyle inside, and slammed the door.

Kyle blinked for a few minutes, speechless while Cartman grabbed the jacket from Kyle's hands, and wrapped them over his shoulders. Though the jacket was awfully big on him, it sure helped warming him up. "… Cartman?"

"Sit."

"Bu--"

"Goddammit Kahl, sit down!"

Kyle sighed, annoyed at Cartman's demands, but obeyed and seated himself on the couch. He then tried again. "Cartman… I…"

"Jesus Kahl, why is it so hard to believe me!? I mean--"

"That's not what I was gonna say, dumbass!" Kyle yelled back while jumping out of his seat, catching Cartman by surprise at the statement.

Cartman then folded his arms. "Fine. Speak."

Kyle stared at Cartman's expression, and swallowed before continuing. "… Cartman… I…" He suddenly couldn't find the words to finish. Why was this so hard?

"What's the matter, Kahl? Cat got your tongue?" Cartman teased.

"No!!" Kyle fiercely responded back, then softened his expression a bit. "I just…" Then he sighed. He was going to have to say something eventually, or it was going to scratch him apart from the inside. "… I…" He hoped to find an easy way to say it. "… I… believe you."

Kyle then turned around, not wanting to see Cartman's reaction, as he automatically grew angry and cursed himself for ever saying anything in the first place. Suddenly he felt large arms wrap around him, his eyes widening at the rarity of an action from such a boy.

"… C-Cartman…" he began, not sure how to even end the sentence.

"Just shut up, Kahl."

Suddenly the sounds of his mother and a man moaning from upstairs interrupted their rare moment of peace, and Cartman cursed under his breath.

"… Your mom's such a whore, Cartman." Kyle spoke up, snickering.

"At least she's not a big nosed bitch."

"Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!"

Cartman smirked. "Make me."

**End**

* * *

**Author's Note: **Well I hope everyone enjoyed the story. For once I finished a fanfiction! I feel like I at least succeeded in SOMETHING now.

Thanks to all my reviewers! Hope to see you reviewing anything else I may pull out of my sleeve in the future. ;)


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